Why I Fear Clowns . . .

Headquarters For "Why I Fear Clowns" Has Moved!

2011-10-25T11:38:00.003-05:00

In my ongoing efforts to thwart the International Clown Cabal, I've moved the blog to a secured and fortified bunker in the Midwest that can only be entered by proving you have normal-sized feet and a non-ball-shaped nose with nostrils.

Okay, actually I've joined the MotiNetwork of humorous photo blogs.

You can find more clown-foolery than ever before at:

"Why I Fear Clowns"

You can upload your own clown-shots, comment on the pics and vote for your favs.

I'm also shamelessly soliciting a little love to the clown Facebook page. That way you don't have to come to the clowns, they come directly to you . . .

Why I Fear Clowns - Facebook

Thanks to everyone who helped make this blog so fun and successful and here's to many more years of scary laughs on the creepy clown continuum.

Terri

Let Me Hear Your Opinion and Vote . . .

2010-12-03T06:00:00.000-06:00

What's in the container? Martinis, I vote for martinis . . .

A generation of children raised by this drunken creep clown. Yet one more way our parents scarred us for life!

Got A Girlfriend You Need To Mess With?

2010-12-02T06:00:00.000-06:00

Print this out life-size and tape it the outside of her bedroom window . . .

Unless, of course, she owns firearms. That could be dangerous. Very dangerous.

Existential Crisis Clown . . .

2010-12-01T06:00:00.000-06:00

Needs a hug . . .

"An existential crisis is a stage of development at which an individual questions the very foundations of his or her life: whether their life has any meaning, purpose or value."

Message to the painter: "The answer to the above question is NO."

Someone Asked Me . . .

2010-11-30T06:00:00.000-06:00

If there were any clown paintings that I like.

The answer is "yes."

This isn't it . . .

The "Ewww" Series Continues . . .

2010-11-29T06:00:00.000-06:00

With this creepy entry from (of all people) Norman-freaking-Rockwell!

A creepy clown awkwardly comforts an uncomfortable-looking young runaway.

"Here, here, clown white washes right off. Now, we don't need to tell anyone you were here . . . especially my parole officer."

A Time To Be Thankful . . .

2010-11-28T13:34:00.003-06:00

That this freak didn't show up for Thanksgiving dinner,

Unless he is a member of the family, then you have more problems than a blog can solve . . .

San Francisco Has Banned . . .

2010-11-10T16:09:00.003-06:00

Putting toys in children's meals that do not meet nutritional guidelines.

Some see this as an assault on the inalienable right to feed your children cwap for lunch. I see it as a step in stopping the infiltration of clowns into society.

This kid understands . . .when she grows up she will vote to ban clowns from fast food restaurants!

Be ever vigilant, clowns are sneaky!

Another Halloween Treasure

2010-11-09T06:00:00.000-06:00

Just sort of sums up everything that is wrong with clowns - that magic place where happy and psychotic meet up.

There Are No Words . . .

2010-11-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

To describe what is easily the world's strangest sweater! You know it's bad when the clown is the most normal part.

Nobody At The Ad Agency . . .

2010-11-07T22:34:00.002-06:00

Could figure out why this new ad campaign wasn't working . . .

"All the kids in the focus group were screaming. That's good isn't it?"

The good old days when having "sugar" in the title was a good thing. Two bowls of this and you felt and acted like this goggle-eyed goon!

I'm Sorry . . .

2010-11-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

But, I have to say it . . .

(you can leave now, no harm, no foul . . . )

Okay, you were warned . . .

She's obviously KooKoo for Coco's Stuff!

Yes, those wonderful childhood memories of clowns out behind the Big Top!

Newsflash!

2010-11-05T22:35:00.004-05:00

Clown Eats Man <------ Old News

However,

Man Eats Clown . . .

It's Almost Halloween!!

2010-10-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

Time for the kids to dress up in scary, creepy costumes!

Time to send in the clowns!

If you open your door to this frantic, over-caffeinated little freak, you have only yourself to blame . . .

Too bubbly for you? Try something a bit more from the Michael Meyer School of Clownination.

Just hand over the candy and I won't be back later with an axe . . . or maybe I will . . . I haven't decided yet . . .

Bozo Gets Bad News . . .

2010-10-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

From his bookie . . .

Alright kiddies, who wants to play a game? Go get mommy's checkbook . . .

Just Another . . .

2010-10-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

Creepy, awkward photo of clowns posing with tense scared children.

An afternoon at the television show,

A lifetime in therapy . . .

Compare the two photos. Coincidence? I think not!

Bozo and His Minions

2010-10-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

Gathered to discuss world clownination . . .

Contact your congressman to pass laws to prohibit clown clots from forming.

Khildren of the Klownz . . .

2010-10-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

A young accolyte in the Bozo division of the International Clown Cabal. That grin is unsettling.

I think the parents should be reported to Child Protective Services. That is, if they are not stuffed in a closet somewhere.

I Think I'm Being Clowned . . .

2010-10-24T12:47:00.004-05:00

It's sort of like being swarmed, but with clowns . . . made of cake . . .

All I did was make some utterly innocent comments on Facebook about how I was going to intercept some luscious baked goods being sent by one friend and blogmate to another. The reason was ostentibly that the second blogmate has "won" a contest being held by the first. Well, that is simply impossible. Those cookies are MINE, MINE, MINE!!!

I was sulking and plotting when this appeared outside my door.

Okay, creepy, but no reason to panic. I am used to seeing clowns in unexpected places. I picked off the weird candy eyes, wiped that smug frosting smile off his face and then I ate him.

But, then I went into my office and there they were:

The Cheerio hair, the wormy smiles . . . ::shudder::

It took an entire pot of tea to get this batch down. Luckily, the baker knew how to keep the cake light and fluffy. That immediately made me suspicious. However, the truly talented baker I have in mind would never use sour gummy worms on buttercream frosting. So, my suspicions went elsewhere.

Then the threat came through loud and clear!

A plate of dead clown cupcakes sitting on top of my washer. With fruit roll-ups masquerading as bacon for the vapid smiles. Luckily, I was able to fake out my dogs and they believed the bacon story.

As I type, I am showing those cupcakes who is boss. But, funny, I'm not hungry for cookies any more . . .

The End of Days . . .

2010-10-23T15:57:00.001-05:00

Is upon us. 700 grinning freaks assembled at the clown convention in Mexico City to try and break the record for laughing . . .

Check out the hellish freak waving around the broken baby doll at the :20 mark. 700 cretinous creeps in one place, forcing awkward laughter. I'm surprised they didn't accidentally cause a tear between dimensions!

Budget Cuts . . .

2010-10-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

Have led to a serious downgrade of the Federal Secret Witness Program . . .

Seriously, you would have to be a Bozo to think this was a good idea. I can't decide who is creepier, the adults or the little Bozo-spawn.

There is a Special Circle of Hell . . .

2010-10-19T16:03:00.002-05:00

Devoted to Bozo the Clown. This week, we'll be paying tribute to one of the ringleaders of the International Clown Cabal.

Bozo is bad enough, but a disembodied leering Bozo head floating over a pair of gloved hands? The stuff of nightmares.

Some Things Are Best . . .

2010-10-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

Left to professionals . . .

If you hear from one, please let me know!

I think this is actually a subtle blackmail scheme. Pay them $5.88 or you could end up like the clown . . .

Friends Shouldn't Let Friends . . .

2010-10-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Bake decapitated dead clown cakes . . . .

You see? I told you yesterday that you should have opted for the kit!! However, this baker does win the Academy Award for making the best of a bad situation with sprinkles.

::Looks closer at cake::

Please tell me those are sprinkles . . .

In Honor Of My Husband's Birthday . . .

2010-10-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd share a few decapitated dead clown cakes. This is a particular favorite because it gives you instructions!! No more thrashing around making ugly cakes on your own (you'll see tomorrow why that's a bad idea).

So, Happy Birthday Sweetheart!!

Yes, I do love my husband . . . why do you ask?

Oops! To The Cornfield With You!

2010-10-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

It's your own fault! I like to see happy faces!

Is everybody happy? I don't like angry faces? No siree . . . don't make me angry . . .

Not Sure Which Bothers Me More . . .

2010-10-14T06:00:00.001-05:00

This clown doll or the person who thought making it was a good idea . . .

Another in the series of clown faces you don't want in your closet. Not even Pennywise wants this freak hanging around.

Hush Now . . .

2010-10-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

Or I'll have to get the duct tape . . .

Are you comfy? Are the ropes too tight?

Just A Living Doll . . .

2010-10-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it only comes alive after all the lights are out . . . when you leave the closet door open just a crack . . .

C'mon, who wouldn't love this face . . . hovering over you when you wake up in the middle of the night . . .

Gangsta Klown . . .

2010-10-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

Gonna @#$% you up . . .

Whatchyou laughing at mutha#$%^#$? I got your [fill in noun] here . . .

Children Of The Clowns

2010-10-09T06:00:00.001-05:00

Glen and Mary looked around and realized there were no adults in this circus . . .

Somewhere in the darkness a gurgle was followed by a high childish giggle . . .

Ewww . . . Just Ewww . . .

2010-10-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

As I was working on captions for this photo, one thought wouldn't leave my mind,

Just what is he looking down at . . .

If you find out, don't let me know ::shudder::

The Eyes Seem To Follow You . . .

2010-10-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

Everywhere . . . you go . . .

This is the sort of face you see in the rear view mirror in a dark parking lot when you forgot to check the back seat before you got in the car.

Klownz In The Hood . . .

2010-10-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

They be representing . . .

The police were baffled by the series of bodies found with a frozen look of horror and white greasepaint on their throats.

The Morning After . . .

2010-10-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

Evidently Bozo and Clara Belle didn't "just say no . . ."

My guess Clara Belle is calling his bail bondsman or his bookie. I doubt he is calling his sponsor.

Did You Ever Wonder Why . . .

2010-10-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

So many of us are so screwed up?

It's because Dad said, "Go pet the duck in the clown's lap! Take your sister! Both of you now! I'll get a picture. Get closer dang it, you're in the shadow!"

Uh-huh . . . .

Well, here is that kid all grown up!

I'm Baaaaccckkk . . . .

2010-10-03T18:54:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the long absence!

It started innocently enough. A guest asked a question about aliens and Roswell (yes, there is fascinating dinner conversation at my house). Suddenly, the screen flashed and a rogue program was off and running taking a good chunk of my hard drive with it.

I blame the ICC (International Clown Cabal) . . .

Me and my anti-viral programs fought valiantly, capturing and removing 25 different Trojan Horse viruses. However, the damage was done. I couldn't even get on the Interwebz for almost a week (the horror!). Finally, a complete crash and reinstall was necessary. However, thanks to my handy external hard drive, I hacked in and saved all my docs and pics.

So, I will be able to continue exposing the ICC conspiracy and bringing the best from the CCC (Creepy Clown Continum)!

This Is From An Amusement Park

2010-08-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one that has strange visions of Shirley Jackson and "The Lottery" when I see this pic?

When I was in high school we were assigned The Lottery and another dystopian short story about people who "win" tickets to an amusement park where every ride could be your last. I can't remember the title, but this photo is of that freakshow, I'd bank on it.

Supposedly . . .

2010-08-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

This is a sad and crying clown . . .

Sad is one word . . . (creepy and cretinous are two others) and I don't know whether to laugh or cry. So, I guess the artist knew of what she spoke . . .

This Is The Last Face You'll Ever See . . .

2010-08-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

If you voluntarily get into a gray panel van with tinted windows and two rolls of duct tape on the dashboard.

Take that as a warning!

W.T.F.

2010-08-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

This painting is one of those awesomely bad WTF moments when you wonder what possessed, not only the artist, but the person who sat for the artist, and the person who paid the artist. #landfillmusthavebeenclosed

Nice to know that bad clown art apparently knows no racial bounds.

Mom Alert! This Is What Happens When . . .

2010-08-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

You let your kid spend too much "alone time" with clowns when he was little.

Clowns, don't let this happen to someone you love!

From the awesomeness that is the Vice Magazine Dos and Don't section.

Neeto Keeno . . .

2010-08-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Or maybe not . . .

I'm sorry, but to me, his expression says, "I wonder if that girl in the first row is wearing underwear . . ."

I Heart This Cartoon . . .

2010-08-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

It explains so much . . .

Borrowed from "Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal," a totally whack comic that I follow (and I apologize, I forgot to write down the run date of the original comic, blame the clowns!). Check it out!

Rib Tickling Adventures . . .

2010-08-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Tobo is a happy clown. A very happy clown. Don't you want to have your ribs tickled by Tobo? C'mon, you know you do . . .

You wouldn't want to make Tobo unhappy, would you . . .

Clowns As Role Models . . .

2010-08-22T15:05:00.000-05:00

Dress badly, smily scarily, and torment small animals . . .

I hope the next figure in the series is "Dog Castrating Clown."

Old School . . .

2010-08-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

None of the abstract allegorical clownery of the last entry. Just a straight up clown with a sledge hammer. Low tech, old school, you might even have a chance to escape.

Look at those eyes and that smile . . . escape? Not a freaking chance!

Cwap . . .

2010-08-21T06:00:00.001-05:00

I'm speechless. All the jokes I am thinking really just pale in the blistering glow of awfulness this painting radiates.

If you think of any good jokes, please leave them in the comments!

Oh All Right . . .

2010-08-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

One more . . . (:

Part two of the six clown suite. I like the homeless grunge Clockwork Orange psychopath thing the artist has going on, don't you? Makes me feel jolly . . . not so much . . .

This Is Part Of . . .

2010-08-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

A six painting suite . . . Six of them . . . Each as nice as this one.

The mind. It boggles.

I really think one is enough!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe . . .

2010-08-18T06:00:00.001-05:00

Just when you thought I had to have run out of paintings with leering clowns and vacant eyed little girls and boys, I find another one.

When this was painted he was probably giving her his address. Nowadays, it's his offshore web email address and untraceable prepaid disposable cell phone number.

Hey Little Girl . . .

2010-08-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Want some Kandy???

The little hat. The giant ring. The gingivitis. Need I say more?

Clown Buzz . . .

2010-08-16T06:00:00.001-05:00

Had some fun this weekend with the clown blog. I took ten of my favorites from the Creepy Clown Continum and introduced them to the world via Buzzfeed.

Buzzfeed is a meme pool where the coolest, strangest, bizarrest, funniest, and all around viral interwebz content hangs out. It's sort of Grand Central Station for web buzz.

I'm very proud and pleased that "10 Creepy Clown Paintings" is being well received by the denziens of the web. It was chosen for front page placement by the editors and had over 3000 page hits in the first 24 hours.

If you have a little web time to sink, buzz by and drop a like or a retweet. It would be much appreciated!

Yet Another . . .

2010-08-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

Fine entry in the rarified world of "art-by-the-pound."

I see this, I think mugshot. I think mugshot of escaped killer!

Clown pictures, always guaranteed to be one of America's Most Wanted . . .

National Clown Week . . .

2010-08-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

The first week of August every year is designated as National Clown Week. For most of the first week of August I was locked out of Blogger.

Coincidence? I think not! The ICC (International Clown Cabal) is obviously behind it!

This guy obviously has only the best of intentions!

Can You Say . . . Ewwwww . . . Part Deux

2010-08-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

The post is get the most email about is the classic oogey I-can't-believe-it clown print I posted a few weeks back.

Well, there are two of them . . . I'm not sure if they are by the same artist. Every additional comment I can come up with is just too snarky, even for this blog. Suffice it to say, the fact that someone had this in their home just blows me away.

That said, here it is!

Clowns, just say $%^&*#$ NO!

Ize Sorry . . .

2010-07-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

I didna meanz to breaked yu! Here, ductz tape makes yu all betteh.

Yes, now playing: InterwebzKlownz - The Serial Killer collection!

A Gruesome Twosome . . .

2010-07-29T22:39:00.002-05:00

I made this collage because I came across both of these images on the same day. As if one veg-o-matic clown wasn't enough, another artist decided to rip off the imagery. My only response? W.T.F.

Clown art, for those days when you don't have enough surreal Kafkaesque irony in your life.

This Is So Far Beyond Wrong . . .

2010-07-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

That it will take the light from wrong 10,000 years to reach it.

I don't even know where to start. So, I'm just going to hum a little tune and let you gack in peace. Does anyone need a tissue? Any thoughts on what the artist was trying to communicate here?

I Have An Idea . . .

2010-07-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

For a short story. A mysterious puzzle is regifted from one person to the next. Something bad always happens to the giftee. Finally, after all the family and friends are exhausted, the puzzle starts showing up at garage sales and auction boxes. Disaster follows.

Turns out, when you put the last piece of the puzzle in place, you release a creepy evil spirit that brings bad tidings into your life. The only way to stop it is to break up the puzzle, box it up, and get rid of it.

I think it will work. I wonder where I got the idea. It just came to me . . .

::

::

::

::

Oh my . . .

Clown puzzles. You intentionally lose the pieces.

Nothing Like A Postcard

2010-07-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

I can imagine the message on the back . . .

"Wish I Wasn't Here!"

But, at least now we know that The Joker had a father.

I Know What This Room Needs!

2010-07-24T06:00:00.001-05:00

Curtains! Yes, that's it! Curtains!

A six-foot long garish full-color printed clown fabric panel. I have nothing to add ( ;

I Said I Wanted A Party!

2010-07-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Do not make me wish you into the cornfield . . .

You know what happens when I get angry . . .

Now Kids . . .

2010-07-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

"Don't believe anything you've read about me on those posters around the neighborhood,"

"but, if you see my parole officer, don't mention that we talked, okay?"

Now Hold Still . . .

2010-07-21T06:00:00.001-05:00

The family said they wouldn't pay the ransom until I sent them a photo of you,

to prove you were still alive. Now, smile around the duct tape!

Franken Clown

2010-07-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

Coming to a cookie jar near you!

A perfect place to keep your "abby normal" brains.

Clowns and Zombies . . .

2010-07-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

Separated at birth?

Is it the blank eyes, the white skin, or the black lips? I think the artist really caught the "essence" of the subject!

I See . . .

2010-07-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

. . . midget clowns. In zombie facepaint. Oh my . . . no more anchovie pineapple pizza for me.

Welcome to GACK!

2010-07-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome to "GACK", "Gallery of Atrocious Clown Kookiness." Yes, here at GACK, we are dedicated to preserving the images of clown art in all mediums. We will leave no stone unturned in discovering the best of the worst in clownfoolery.

Remember our name, when you see some piece of gawd-awful clownery, just say "GACK" and we'll be there!

LOLKlownz - I Kan Haz Kreepeezs

2010-07-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

I dedicate this post to the law school professor that made me read Kafka. I still haven't forgiven you!

The Clown Jewels . . .

2010-07-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

What to say, what to say . . .

Imagine that lovely summer white linen suit, perhaps a nice designer label. Yes, it needs something. A scarf? Pearls? A pair of Jimmy Choo's? NO! It needs a multi-color enameled serial killer clown pin!

100th Post! Top 5 Clowns! Contest!

2010-07-11T16:15:00.009-05:00

Thank you to everyone for your support of this blog. This is the 100th post and I have chosen what I think are the Top Five on the Creepy Clown Continum.

First posted March 26, 2010. Gives a whole new meaning to "bad hair day."

First posted April 30, 2010. Since a picture is worth 10,000 words, I don't need to say anything else.

First posted May 2, 2010. I've gotten a couple of questions about why I had a problem with this clown. One even asked where she could find one for her kid's room. Sigh . . . I guess some folks need to see these cretinous lightswitch plates in use to really get the creep factor. This is an example of one of the worst (note, if easily offended, take my word for it) to see why this gives me the clown-creeps.

First posted June 23, 2010. Gets oogier every time I see it. Imagine a pair of these bracketing your bed. Now, imagine trying to sleep in that bed.

And now, for the absolute winner! The creepy clown painting that I doubt will ever be bested!

First posted June 7, 2010 The best (or worst) part? Someone had this in their house.

Now, the contest!

Want to win some one-of-a-kind swag (one mug and one t-shirt) celebrating the one and only "Why I Fear Clowns" blog? Of course you do! To be entered to win,

1. Leave a comment (one entry)(Please include your blog name!)
2. Follow the blog (one entry, existing followers already entered)
3. Follow me on Twitter (@cxrterri) (one entry)
4. Tweet about the blog and contest (one entry) [URL http://www.whyifearclowns.com]

Thanks to everyone and heres to the next 100 posts. Contest runs until July 31, 2010. Two winners! I'll contact you via your profile for your shipping address.

Am I Pretty Now?

2010-07-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

The perfect gift for that special someone,

What lady wouldn't love to have precious metals shaped like dead clowns dangling from her earlobes?

These were for sale on the secondary market, remarkably clean, like they had never (ever) been worn by their previous owner. However, that means that someone, somewhere, thought that buying these at retail was a good idea. Gifting FAIL!

Summertime . . . And The Clowning

2010-07-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

is creepy . . . (c'mon, sing along!)

My sincere thanks to a reader who said he thought of the blog when he saw this album cover. I'm touched . . .

Okay, somebody thought this was a good idea and a good way to sell records. Evidently, in the cover designer's fantasies, attractive young women like to follow men with painted faces into the woods to hear music. Skinny men with deep soulful eyes, sensitive hands, and wide smeared dripping red mouths.

Wait, I was thinking of Twilight! Sorry, I got sidetracked.

Back to the record cover and the designer's and/or singer's fantasies. What do you bet he had two rolls of duct tape in the glove compartment of his gray panel van with the tinted windows?

Clowns, trust them at your own peril.

Decapitated Clown Cookie Jar

2010-07-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

Kewl . . .

Clown cookie jars are a favorite of mine. What bright sunny kitchen couldn't benefit from having a dead clown head on the counter. A dead clown head full of cookies, no less!

Countdown to the 100th post and a top ten round-up of "Why I Fear Clowns." Thanks to everyone who has come along for the ride. It has been a blast.

Have You Voted For Me Yet?

2010-07-07T06:00:00.001-05:00

I've got clowns and I'm not afraid to use them!

This is day two of my shameless begging for your vote in the contest to pick two new writers for the humor blog "An Army of Ermas."

The two highest vote-getters will be inducted into the sisterhood, learn the secret booty shake, and get access to the jello recipe vault. My life would be complete.

My name is Terri Coop and my entry is #11, "The Kid Whisperer."

The voting began yesterday on the An Army of Ermas website and continues on through today. Follow this blog! You will not be sorry.

You can read then entries at "An Army of Ermas." Remember, it is #11 by Terri Coop that you love and can't wait to vote for.

And don't worry. You can vote with the knowledge that if I become an Erma, I won't get so stuck-up that I'll forget where I came from. I have more creepy clowns than you can shake a stick at (or hit with a stick). Terri

Pleeze Vote For Me . . . Pleeze, Pleeze, Pleeze . . .

2010-07-05T23:22:00.000-05:00

Even the clowns will be sad if I lose!

Seriously, this is a shameless appeal for your vote in the contest to pick two new writers for the humor blog "An Army of Ermas."

The two highest vote-getters will be inducted into the sisterhood, learn the secret booty shake, and get access to the jello recipe vault. My life would be complete.

My name is Terri Coop and my entry is # 11, "The Kid Whisperer."

I haz a funneh, I swearz! And if I am chosen to be one of the new Ermas, I promise to fulfill my office faithfully and to the best of my ability with stories from my life and travels, especially my adventures at the laundromat (such as the guy who brought all of his dirty clothes folded up in designer shopping bags).

The voting begins at "An Army of Ermas" on July 6th and goes on for a nail-biting two days. This blog is worth following. However, I warn you. After reading "Yoga Bare," I was permanently disqualified from organ donation because I laughed up a kidney. It wasn't pretty.

You can read then entries at "An Army of Ermas." Remember, it is #11 by Terri Coop that you love and can't wait to vote for.

Remember, a vote for me is a vote for funnehz! Thanks to everyone: Terri

When Grandpa Tells You . . .

2010-07-05T06:00:00.001-05:00

That his college years were a time of serious study and reflection . . .

Try not to laugh too hard!

Clowns, alcohol, and cameras. A bad idea in any generation.

I Will Hug You . . .

2010-07-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

. . . and squeeze you, pet you and love you, and I will call you George and we will be together forever and ever and ever. I will follow you everywhere . . . you will never ever be free of me. Won't that be fun?

Yes, clown art, as if the world wasn't a creepy enough place as it is.

Yum! Yum!

2010-07-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

Ever heard of "Hop On Pop"? Well, this is an illustration from the new zombie book for kids called "Nom on Mom."

To me, what separates this from a legion of other really bad clown paintings is the illusion (or is it) of thick blood dripping off the pendulous lower lip. Now that's art . . .

Mommy, I Think That Circus Clown . . .

2010-07-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

. . . is off his meds . . .

I really don't think I want anything to do with anything this poster is advertising!

Way Too Many Bad Jokes . . .

2010-07-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

Are bubbling up . . . Even blogger.com agrees, part of the image tag is :0

I collect salt and pepper shakers (yup, I'm a nerd) but this set shows me that one thing I have always believed is not true. You can have too many S&P sets!

Only 184 Days Until Christmas!

2010-06-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

Another clown figurine for those tender times when you have to give a gift to someone you don't like. However, make sure you'll never see them again. Re-gifting is a bitch . . .

Dead clown eyes, beaver fangs, hands out of a Tim Burton movie, yes, this waste of resin has it all! Remember, just say NO to clowns. Today your curio cabinet, tomorrow your liquor cabinet.

No Thanks . . . I'm Not Hungry Anymore . . .

2010-06-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

And I'd really like to leave now. No, I don't want a Happy Meal!

It was only a matter of time until I found just the right image to reveal just how creepy Ronald McDonald really is. This is a life-size plus head that fit over the helium tank. It's the huge leering smile. It's the cheesy red hair. Nah, really, it's the eyes.

::shudder::

And the manager can't figure out why he can't keep servers . . . and why there are no cats anywhere in the neighborhood.

Souvenir of the Circus?

2010-06-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

Or Survivor of the Circus?

With the leering "better to eat you with . . ." smile on that clown, I think the second is more likely!

And everyone wonders why nobody goes to the circus any more!

Clowns and Black Velvet . . .

2010-06-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

A match made in . . .

A match made in . . .

A match made in a sleazy low-rent flea market somewhere on the Texas-Mexico border.

The only thing worse than a clown painting is a clown painting on black velvet! It doesn't even have the cache of being vintage crap! This type of junk is being churned out in Mexico and trucked up here to pollute our flea markets. The scary thing? They wouldn't do it if it wasn't selling. So, just like with drugs, we Americans have only ourselves to blame.

Yet Another . . .

2010-06-26T06:00:00.001-05:00

Decorating epic-fail!

My usual snarkiness is deserting me. These clown plaques defy vilification. I think I'll just hum a little tune and let you enjoy the photo. These are being sold in the secondary market, so they were used by someone. Imagine the buying or gifting decision that went into this particular decorating choice. C'mon, imagine it!

Clown Porn

2010-06-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

Warning, this post contains images of clowns, lingerie, and some nudity, not a good combo for work, for young children, or for the easily offended or nauseated.

::

::that said::

::

::keep scrolling::

::

::still with me?::

::

A whole new take on blow up dolls. Sigh, another young life ruined by becoming a clown groupie. I wonder which floppy bow tie her picture ended up on!

PS: FTC Statement: This image is used with the permission of "YesterdayGirls". I am an amateur blogger and received no consideration for use of this photo. In other words, I am not a paid shill.

Hickory Dickory Dock . . .

2010-06-24T06:00:00.001-05:00

There's a clown inside my clock,

The clock struck one,

I tried to run,

My front door IT did block . . .

Remember, you were warned here!

Trouble Getting Your Kids To Turn Off Their Light?

2010-06-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

Not any more! (MOM, turn it OFF! MOOOOOMMMMMM! I'll be good I promise!)

However, I couldn't sleep knowing this was on the table next to my bed. On the flip side, the monsters under my bed would be too scared to come out.

Aside from the freakish blood smeared face, it is the hands that bother me the most. They are too detailed, too realistic, and too . . . I don't know . . . dainty to be from a clown (ya know, no floppy gloves). Makes me think of horror stories of real people being encased in clay and turned into sculpture. Okay, I'm oooged out now.

Red Skelton Was A Genius . . .

2010-06-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

Most of the time . . .

Am I the only one who thinks this is what the cop saw coming just before Zsa Zsa Gabor slapped him??

Even someone as clown-centric as Red Skelton couldn't suppress the evil forever!

Serial Killer Clown . . .

2010-06-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

Thinks no is funneh . . . Thinks he'll killz you now . . .

This is a signed painting. The grim face, the white skin, the frowning mouth that looks like it is smeared in blood. I think the artist really captured the essence of clownfoolery, don't you?

I'm thinking this original work of artz (the only saving grace is that there is only one) should go in the hallway. The dark hallway, leading to the attic . . .

There's Art And Then There's . . .

2010-06-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

This . . .

A face only a mother could love, when she came to duct-taped to a kitchen chair and gagged with a sock.

Am I Pretty Now?

2010-06-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

Another in our series of questionable taste in tacky enamelled jewelry. An empty-eyed slack-jawed clown on my lapel just screams style and sophistication. Don't you agree?

Advertising Is Supposed To Make People . . .

2010-06-18T06:00:00.000-05:00

Want to do business with you!

Then there is this promo piece for the Tanner Bank . . .

I've never heard of Tanner Bank. Looking at it's advertising campaign, I know why!

But, It Has Gold On It . . .

2010-06-17T06:00:00.002-05:00

So, it must be decorative and valuable!

Ummmm . . . those shiny lips and empty eyesockets that follow you everywhere . . . yes, that's just what that alcove needed . . .

(Ever see "Jeepers Creepers" If so, think of the very last scene. If not, then you are seriously behind on your horror movie watching, get thee to Netflix!)

More Artze . . .

2010-06-16T06:00:00.001-05:00

The difference between this painting and Monday's?

No one is trying to convince me that this mess is valuable.

And grandma couldn't figure out why the kids never wanted to spend the night in her back bedroom after she had gone to all that trouble decorating it with clowns. All kids love clowns after all!

Zombie Night At The Circus

2010-06-15T06:00:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh . . . isn't it sweet when a family all gets together and goes to the circus on family night.

It is so sweet to see that freak-faced zombies have families and smile for the camera just like everybody else.

What's that?

Those aren't zombies? They aren't visiting the circus? They're part of the circus?

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!

This photo of a clown cabal is from when I was a kid (yes, we had cameras back then). Is it any wonder I developed superior clown-avoidance skills at such a young age?

Artz . . . Ize Gotzit . . .

2010-06-14T06:00:00.000-05:00

Somewhere along the way, the painter of this freakshow convinced someone that this was a good idea. It's actually valuable . . . or at least the art dealer is trying to convince you it is . . .

No really, it is valuable!

I'm art damn it!

Uh-huh . . . I've had dreams like this after tequila and sushi . . .

Four Out Of Five Dentists Agree . . .

2010-06-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

That they do not want to be eaten by a circus clown. I'm not sure the fifth was listening to the question!

Posters like these were supposed to make people want to go to the circus. Gee, I can hardly wait (blech!). Many say it was the economy that killed off the big circuses, others say it was TV. Face it folks, it was the clowns and the artists that drew them.